This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
