Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
