Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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