dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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