i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
