Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
