the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
