Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize