Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
