can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize