Cold hands, warm shart.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
