i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize