it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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