Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found puke in my bra..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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