tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The best revenge is premature balding
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
