9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
