You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
