Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
