I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
