'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
