she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
