they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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