he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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