areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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