I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
