There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
