Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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