Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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