if i can run in heels then i can drive
id be glad to
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
