Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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