So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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