for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
