never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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