I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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