you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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