Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
