i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
