And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
