That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize