Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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