Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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