the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need to calm my uterus...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
