This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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