I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
