I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize