I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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