Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
