wakey wakey hands off snakey
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
