Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
