I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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