Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
