I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
