i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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