Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
