I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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