why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
