If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
