Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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