I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are all done wearing pants today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
