So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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