He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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