Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
