Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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